Cause’ its always raining in my head. Forget all the things I should have said.
I am nothing more than, a little boy inside. That cries out for attention, yet I always try to hide.
I’m actually glad that I have this blog at this very moment. Someone many years ago established that putting ones thoughts and feelings into words, visable to the author, creates an experience unmatched by other mediums.
But as of right now I’m listening to Staind because the band offers somber moods with lyrical therapy. And its sad because wordly music has no comparison to the comfort that God can bring to me and I keep failing to go to Him. Many things have gone on in the last month or so. Things about my dad, things with Stacey, things with my mother, things with school. I’m not the most busy person in the world by any means, and I act like I’m overwhelmed. Why am I overwhelmed? Thats definately rhetorical, because the answer is simple because I don’t give my cares to God like I should. He’s there waiting for me to come to Him, He’s probably up there right now like “wtf Allen, you know you need me, where you at” (Please do not take that as slanderous or sacriligeous).. its just how I would say it. I need prayers, because I dont’ pray myself. And the fact that I blog about it when I should be praying might contribute to my problem. Kevin is about the only person that I talk in depth about issues that I struggle with. Dawg, it isn’t because you’re the only one I think relates, because I’m sure there are many people that do relate to me. I haven’t solved it, but it seems that you get it more than anyone else. Maybe its the outside Christian perspective; most likely it is. We need coldstone soon bro.
Its crazy how my best friend who I’ve had since 2nd grade barely exists in my world. Things just spiraled and when the dust settled we were on two different sides of the fence. Not by my choice, but my actions was definately a catalyst. I need to fix it, or at least come to terms with it somehow or another.
I’m still tangled up in Stacey. And its great because we’re gonna start a Bible study hopefully in the near future as a couple though I would enjoy others participating. I need to get a headstart on it by getting into the Word myself, let alone speak to God. Its funny how animals seem to always know when you’re upset. Diaz knows how to get in my face when I’m down. Its not like I’m gonna be going to bed anytime soon. My thoughts keep me up most nights, even when I’m sleeping I awake the same way I began. I’m Adventist right? Why aren’t I living it? I’m not asking to be perfect, or saying that I’m some lost person in life. I know what needs to be, and I’m not doing it. I can’t do it on my own and thats what I’ve been trying. You fail on your own. I fail on my own. People live and learn, but I have to learn if I want to live. Eternity means more than school, my dads Health, my mother and my relationship, and Stacey.
I guess I found a starting point. Everything else, fall in line.
